Saw some stuff online the other day, people talking about Ben Shelton, the tennis kid. Calling him cocky, you know?
It got me thinking. I watched him play, maybe it was the US Open last year? Yeah, that run he had. He’s got this big energy, celebrates hard. That phone thing he does. At first, I kinda got it. Seemed a bit much, maybe a little arrogant for a young guy.
But then it reminded me of something that happened at my old workplace. We got this new guy, fresh out of college. Super sharp, knew his stuff, wasn’t afraid to say so. He’d challenge ideas, even from senior folks. A lot of people backstage called him cocky, arrogant, you name it. Honestly, he rubbed me the wrong way initially too.
My first instinct was just to shut him down, you know? Put him in his place. But I decided to hold back. My sort of personal ‘practice’ kicked in, something I’ve tried to do more as I’ve gotten older. Instead of reacting, I just started watching him. How he worked, how he talked to people when he wasn’t in those big meetings. I paid attention to the results he was getting, not just his style.
So, I started making small talk with him by the coffee machine. Asked him about his projects, what he was finding tricky. Didn’t challenge him, just listened. And I realised, a lot of what seemed like arrogance was just… well, confidence. Maybe a bit insecure underneath, trying to prove himself. He actually had good ideas, even if the delivery wasn’t always smooth.
We actually ended up working together on a small project. It was tough at first. He was still intense. But because I’d kinda shifted my own approach, didn’t just label him ‘cocky’ and dismiss him, we managed to figure out a way to communicate. He needed space to run with ideas, and I could offer a bit of guidance on navigating the office politics without telling him he was ‘too much’.
It wasn’t some magic fix. He was still him. But my experience was totally different once I stopped focusing on the ‘cocky’ label and started just dealing with the person and the work.
Seeing the Shelton stuff brought that back. It’s easy to sit back and label someone, especially a young person in the spotlight. That energy, that confidence, it can look like arrogance from afar. Maybe it is sometimes. But my little ‘practice’ now is to remember that guy from work. You don’t really know what’s driving someone until you look closer. It’s less about judging the ‘cockiness’ and more about figuring out what’s actually there underneath. Takes more effort than just slapping on a label, that’s for sure.
