Austin Theory Cagematch: Did He Win or Lose? Full Fight Breakdown

Alright, let’s talk about this Austin Theory fella, the one they say is a big deal in that wrestling world. I don’t know much about wrestling, mind you, just what my grandkids yell about when they’re over here causing a ruckus.

So, this Theory guy, they say he’s with WWE, on somethin’ called SmackDown. Sounds like a TV show to me. He’s apparently got a partner too, Grayson Waller, and they call themselves “A-Town Down Under.” Sounds fancy, but I bet they ain’t no tougher than my old rooster, that one was mean.

This Theory kid, he’s won some belts, they say. A “Tag Team Champion,” a “United States Champion” twice over. And he won somethin’ called “Money in the Bank” too. Sounds like he’s got a lot of shiny trophies, kinda like those my grandson gets for playin’ baseball, only maybe these are bigger and shinier.

They say he makes a whole lot of money, too. Five hundred thousand dollars a year! That’s more money than I’ve seen in my whole life, I reckon. Enough to buy a whole lotta chickens, that’s for sure.
He wrestles a lot, this fella. They got websites, you know, the kind my grandkids are always lookin’ at, and they got lists of all his matches. He fights with different partners, against different folks. It’s all a bit confusing, all these names and dates.

Now, some folks online, they got opinions, just like everyone else. Some say Theory was a bad choice to win that “Money in the Bank” thing. Said it hurt him when he didn’t win after cashing it in. Said he’s a new star and shouldn’t be losing. I don’t know, seems to me like losin’ is part of life, whether you’re wrestlin’ or just tryin’ to get a good tomato harvest.

He tags with that Grayson Waller fella a lot, beat some fellas named “Brawling Brutes” and some others. Seems like they win some, they lose some. That’s wrestling, I guess. One day you’re on top, the next you’re gettin’ your butt kicked. Kinda like life on the farm, really.

They even got one of those websites that lists everythin’. Wins and losses, who he fought with and against, even how good the match was, with somethin’ called “star ratings.” I don’t get it, but the young folks seem to like it. One time he even lost to a fella named Johnny Gargano, and another time he lost to someone named Luke Gallows, first time that fella won a match in seven years, they say.

And he’s been in matches with all sorts of names. Bobby Lashley, Finn Balor, Kevin Owens, Seth Rollins, Drew McIntyre. I swear, these names sound like somethin’ out of a comic book. One time, he was even in a match with Jeff Hardy, now that’s a name I recognize, my grandkids used to watch him jump off ladders and stuff. Crazy kids.

So, that’s the gist of it, this Austin Theory. He’s a wrestler, makes a lot of money, wins some, loses some, and has folks talkin’ about him online. Sounds like he’s doin’ alright for himself. Just like my chickens, as long as they keep layin’ eggs and stayin’ outta the fox’s mouth, they’re doin’ just fine.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go check on those chickens. They’re probably squawkin’ up a storm, wantin’ their dinner. This wrestlin’ talk is makin’ me hungry, too.