Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about this fella, Todd Hamilton Shank, or whatever his name is. I ain’t no golf expert, ya hear? I just watch it on the TV sometimes when nothin’ else is on. But this fella, they was talkin’ about him. Seems he done somethin’ or other at some fancy golf game.
They call it the “Open” somethin’. Sounds important, I guess. Like when they open the pickle jar real tight. Anyway, this Todd fella, he was in one of them sand pits, you know, like where the cats go to do their business. Only this one was on the golf course, all nice and fancy. And wouldn’t ya know it, he messed up. Big time.
They called it a “shank.” I ain’t never shanked nothin’ in my life, ‘cept maybe a chicken neck when I was fixin’ dinner. But this shank, it was bad. The ball went sideways, like a scared rabbit runnin’ from a fox. People were all gasp and whatnot. Guess that ain’t supposed to happen, specially not at some big-shot golf game.
- He’s a “former Open Champion” they say. Sounds fancy, don’t it? Like he won somethin’ big once. Maybe got a big ol’ trophy, the kind you gotta dust every week.
- Now, they’re talkin’ about another “Open” comin’ up. At some place called Royal Troon. Sounds like a place where the king and queen might hang out, if they ain’t busy eatin’ crumpets and drinkin’ tea.
- Lots of golfers gonna be there, 156 of ’em. That’s a whole lotta fellas whacking little balls with sticks. I bet they all wanna win, just like my grandson wants to win that pie-eatin’ contest at the county fair every year.
They got this fella, Ross Tugwood, writin’ about it. He knows all the golfin’ lingo, I reckon. Talks about “majors” and all that. I just know about majors in college, like my niece who’s studyin’ to be a nurse. But in golf, it’s different, I guess.
They say Todd Hamilton, he used to be good. Real good. Now, folks are whisperin’. Wonderin’ if he’s still got it. You know, like when your old tractor starts sputterin’ and coughin’, you wonder if it’s time to trade it in for a new one.
But golf ain’t like tractors, I reckon. You can’t just trade in a golfer for a newer model. You gotta stick with what ya got, and hope they figure out how to stop shankin’ those balls. Maybe Todd needs to practice more. Maybe he needs to eat more spinach, like Popeye. Or maybe he just needs a good luck charm, like that lucky rabbit’s foot my grandpa used to carry.
I don’t know nothin’ about golf, like I said. But I know about life. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. Sometimes you hit the ball straight, sometimes you shank it into the sand. It’s all part of the game, ain’t it?
So, this Todd Hamilton fella, I wish him luck. Hope he gets his shankin’ under control and starts hittin’ those balls where they’re supposed to go. Maybe then they’ll stop whisperin’ and start cheerin’ again. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll win another one of them “Open” thingamajigs, and get himself another big ol’ trophy to dust.
But even if he don’t, it ain’t the end of the world. There’s always next year. And if not next year, then the year after that. Life goes on, even if you shank a few golf balls along the way. That’s what I always say.
So, that’s all I got to say about Todd Hamilton Shank. He seems like a fella who done good and then messed up a bit. Happens to the best of us. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go check on my biscuits. Don’t want ’em burnin’ like that time I fell asleep watchin’ the golf on TV.
Tags: Todd Hamilton, Open Championship, Golf Shank, Royal Troon, Ross Tugwood, Golf Majors
